So yeah there’s another celluloid travesty being made and it’s official this time. See for yourself:
This modern day exploitative abomination has been in production hell since roughly 2009 as stated on Wikipedia. That right there is false and fake news. Rumors of said piece of shit had been circulating the internet ever since I developed an addiction to opiates in the early to mid 2000’s. And my feelings towards it have stayed the same since then:
Fukking Hollywood Kunts
What gets my fukking goat about this dumpster fire of a film is all it is trying to do is capitalize off a fukking book that for one was based on tabloid headlines, and politics (so much has changed then huh? I’m looking at you Metalsucks :sips white wine:). ANYONE who was of age in the 90’s and was a legit fan and part of the much smaller scale Black Metal sub-culture will tell you it (meaning the book) was the worst thing that really happened to the entire genre. Not just Norway mind you, but the entire fucking thing. It wasn’t so much of a Catch-22 situation even as much as I wish it was, no it was the opposite THING of that. Some of us who were chemically fukked-up saw past the bullshit that it was with a grain of salt while a lot of others took it as an invitation into the genre/culture that would now be referrred to as modern-day tourism. Meaning people with absolutely ZERO fukking clue who’s brain chemistry aren’t as screwed up as the rest of us to come in and gawk and awe and think they were ever part of it. Now that might sound somewhat “elitist” to some of you reading this, but you’re talking to someone who WAS there and as a 35 year old and has seen the direction black metal has gone in the time since then. Basically what I am getting at is this: people want to be Norway Black Metal but when it comes down to the mentality and attitude – they simply fucking cannot comprehend that long forgotten ghost of a fire that once burned brightly. Especially people now who are so goddamn offended and politically correct. They wouldn’t last 2 seconds. Hell, not even one.
On top of people simply not getting it(as that’s always been the case ever since the days of bands like Venom and Hellhammer), they are also the type to cast their stones of modern day political correctness much like the newspapers/magazines/websites/blogs that throw shit at the genre and that particular scene. That and treating it as a corny VH1 Behind-The-Music special where a bunch of stupid metalheads did a bunch of drugs, banged some skanky groupies and all got platinum records and have these stupid epic cut-scenes where they’re all on stage in front of thousands of other stupid metalheads. Or there’s also the possibility of the movie turning into some lame-ass TLC Sunday afternoon movie where it’s about heartache and relationships and the ending is a misty eye-inducing tear jerker….some lame shit like that. It’s re-visioning of the past in the worst of fucking ways and it waters down that said fire that raged out of control.
The only good thing about this entire thing is that all the Norwegians themselves and loudmouth aging assholes such as myself are distancing themselves and telling the director to go fukk himself. Basically anyone with any sense of dignity is seeing this for what it is: Hollywood/Mainstream America coming in, cashing-in, exploiting it and selling this shit to bovine Machine Head fans who wouldn’t know what fucking metal is without Kerrang/Metal Hammer holding their clammy moist hands. Yes I know what I said completely contradicted my statement there considering that Kerrang did that whole article in the 90’s that was the world’s first view into this group of mentally-ill teens playing in the snow in Norway and talking about trolls…..but mind you that Kerrang then thought it was a joke and now they are alllllllllllllll fukking for it. Much like how the rest of the world has come around to making Black Metal normal, and politically correct and more inclusive and all that other shit that in truth churns my stomach at the end of the day. Completely watering it down where we end of with shit like Sacred Son or Deafheaven. We were forced to trade angry hearts, depression, sociopathic tendencies and general misanthropy for swoopy haircuts and 5 star reviews and song lyrics about not living in upper middle class Malibu and being able-bodied and culturally insensitive and god-knows-what-else.
For fukked-up individuals such as myself as a teen in the 90’s, that fire lit something rather primal under my young ass, scorching my prepubescent nut-hairs that the spirit itself still does. It was a rather nihilistic revolutionary mindset that went past previous version of rock ‘n roll rebellion and took it probably to it’s absolute extreme. Just basically short of starting some sort of Helter Skelter race war or inciting small groups of young teens to start fukking dead animals. But it WAS the 90’s and I wouldn’t be too surprised if someone was inspired to do such back then. In fact if word caught wind and screwed-up people such as myself would have heard about that sort of thing, we would have been all for it in this bygone sense of shock and over-the-top shit that kids THESE days claim to be “edge.” All I have to say about that is that what made men out of us ok? We weren’t allowed to talk about things such the virtue-of-the-week or standing against sexism or had any idea or concept of the gender pay gap.
And may be that’s what makes me so damn ornery about this film of Donald Trump-esque proportions. Ever since then I have yet to see any form of rock-based rebellion or even teenage rebellion that comes anywhere near close to what once was. At 35, I see teens/young adults online posting the dumbest of memes and/or talking about fantasizing and jerking off to online clips of Japanese anime tits on Xvideos.com. When in reality they should be out TP’ing their neighbor’s house on Halloween night. Or doing whippits. Or stealing their parent’s porno mags. Fucking doing something other than whatever their form of teenage rebellion is. Did I go too far off course with this one? I don’t know honestly, and nor do I care. Much like I haven’t really given a shit about Norway/Varg/etc in the time since. Going on any further about this makes me want to just drop all that I am doing and take up that Tide Pod challenge the more I think about it.
Bottom line: “Lords Of Chaos” is the SLC Punk movie meaning it’s the type of movie that your friends who weren’t really into metal wanted to watch with you. Some things are best left alone in the past and should have remained in obscurity.